


Trying Too Hard

by Primarina (sherlockstummy)



Series: Little bit of Caregiving [1]
Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Age Play, Angst with a Happy Ending, Comfort Food, Food, Light Angst, Multi, Non-Sexual Age Play, caregiver!Arin, caregiver!Suzy, little!Dan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-23
Updated: 2017-10-23
Packaged: 2019-01-21 17:32:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12462519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sherlockstummy/pseuds/Primarina
Summary: Dan has never wanted to be a burden on his lovers.





	Trying Too Hard

**Author's Note:**

> A super special gift for my lovely friend Amber (justmeandmyblg). Thank you for everything you do for me, and for being a sweet, loving, and awesome friend! <3 <3 <3

Dan felt guilty.

Ever since Arin and Suzy had convinced him that a certain headspace was perfect for stress relief, he’d allowed himself to take refuge in it far too often, and it had to stop. Being a little kid in his head was stress-relieving for himself, sure, but Arin and Suzy had to take care of him. And it wasn’t fair.

Suzy had been working hard to get new products up in her Etsy store, and was slaving over designs for another jewelry line, since Dust to Dust had done well enough for her to consider trying a different direction. And Arin, well, he was under nearly all of the same stresses that Dan knew all too well; Grumps, live shows, tours, and etc. Not to mention Arin had to manage them all. Though there weren’t a lot of fights or other mishaps in the office, Dan could imagine it was still a huge weight on Arin’s shoulders. 

Arin took to the role extremely well…but he never set out to be a boss.

Dan had definitely wanted to avoid going little, but, of course, the universe was against him. The minute he got into his car and started up a random playlist, a cheerful, overenthusiastic tune greeted his ears, and a forced voice began to sing “The Itsy Bitsy Spider,” and damn it if the lyrics didn’t start to lull him into that familiar soft, dreamy world of being little, where his head felt dozy and free of worldly cares.

Dan snapped out of it, quickly changing the song, sighing in relief as the universe treated him to Def Leopard’s “Pour Some Sugar on Me,” which was not only an epic song, but one Ninja Sex Party had recently covered, and Dan was able to think about work, seeing the music video in his head, jamming as he remembered the choreography, as he headed home to where he now lived with his lovers.

As Dan parked in the driveway, he noticed that no one was home. Usually, Dan didn’t particularly mind that, but today, he felt a sharp pang, as there would be no one to come home to once he opened the door. No Suzy, with her gentle hugs and sweet-smelling hair, kissing him at the nape of his neck in the spot that made his pulse flutter beneath her lips. No Arin, smelling like sweat and whatever food he was making for dinner, always ready with a big bear hug and a cheeky grab at his ass.

Dan crooned softly as he ran the pads of his fingers along the ridges of his keys, then jolted out of it, rapidly shaking his head. “Get a hold of yourself, Avidan,” he scolded himself. “You can do this.”

However, the universe just really wanted him to be little. At least, that was his perception. For he noticed, as he hung up his keys and jacket on their proper hooks (Suzy was a bit finicky about that old adage: a place for everything, and everything in its place), that part of the shopping had not been put away. It wasn’t uncommon for Suzy to go grocery shopping and leave the nonperishables out on the table if the cats needed her attention, or she had a spark of inspiration. But, through the off-white bags, Dan could see the tell-tale blue of a package of Chips Ahoy, a favorite of his little self. (Probably due to the nostalgia of it; there was something endearing about a company who hadn’t changed their packaging in 20 years. Not to mention the joy of finding out your mom packed you three yummy cookies hidden underneath your cheese sandwich; thank you, Debbie.) 

Wanna cookie. The thought struck him like a baseball to the nuts, unexpected and extremely painful. Dan actually slapped himself as a punishment. He was very much determined not to go little…at least until he knew Suzy and Arin were going to be a while.

He padded to the bedroom, pulling his phone from his pocket, and opened up the group message.

Text to Arin and Scuzy: Hey, just got home. Where are you guys?

While he waited for a response, Dan sat down on the bed and searched through his designated drawers for a suitable pair of pajama pants and tee shirt. He lingered for too long over a matching set of dinosaur pjs in a cheerful light blue with little light green and dark blue dinos dancing over it, with lime green trim, cooing as he felt the soft fleece under his fingers.

He nearly jumped when the phone, forgotten, vibrated from under his thigh, and the whiplash of being tugged back into Bigspace made his head spin. He fumbled for the phone, hands trembling a little as he forced himself back under control. 

Text from Arin: Mall. Suzy had to return something, and I wanted to check the comic store. You okay, buddy?

Dan bit his lip. It’s almost as if Arin was trying to set him off…

Nah…but he couldn’t be! Dan could imagine that caring for a little could get old really quickly, especially since in reality, Dan was older than both of them. (A solid 8 and 9 year difference; ouch.) Dan had never pressed for many details of his littlespace, but it would be useless to do so. Arin and Suzy were both too nice to tell him if he had misbehaved.

At least his littlespace was potty trained. For all of their collective sakes.

Text to Arin and Scuzy: Yeah, just don’t worry about hurrying home. Feeling kinda sick, so I’m gonna turn in early.

This time, the response was immediate and from Suzy.

Text from Scuzy: Oh no!!! *horrified emoji* 

Arin’s response was not far behind. 

Text from Arin: Have some soup and get to bed. We’ll be home soon.

Dan panicked. No, no, no! He’d formulated that response, because when he’d roomed with Barry, sickness meant: “no need to be home.” Apparently, it was having the opposite effect on his lovers.

Text to Arin and Scuzy: No, you don’t have to do that! Seriously, guys, I’m fine! Go out to dinner or something. I’ll have soup and go straight to bed.

Text from Suzy: Arin and I are gonna go to GameStop after he’s done in the comic store. Sure you’re all right on your own? *black heart emoji*

Text to Arin and Suzy: Positive. Have fun!

Dan locked his phone with a sigh of relief, setting it down on the nightstand. The mall wasn’t exactly close, and Suzy, like your average girl, could be a while in a store. So he had a good two hours at least. It was a safe amount of time; he could be little just long enough to relax, and then be Big again before they came home. It was a perfect plan.

With that settled, Dan grabbed the bottoms of his dino pjs, deciding not to match, because his littlespace had just a touch of OCD, and wearing the bottoms by themselves could be seen as a choice for their warmth and not necessarily because they comforted him.

Yeah…maybe he’d have to man (woman?) up and talk to his therapist about his littlespace. There was probably a lot to unpack there.

Anyway.

Dan pulled on his pj bottoms with less finesse than usual. He was always lacking in fine motor skills when he went little, so things like dressing himself were quite difficult.

He’d never been little on his own before. He hoped he could handle it.

Dan welcomed the softness of his littlespace. Everything here seemed simple, warm, loving, peaceful, and safe. He was far away from the cares his adult life brought him. Work stuff was far from his mind. The only thing important to Danny right now was finding his Steggy.

“Theggy,” Danny sometimes had a lisp when he was little. Probably because he wasn’t thinking about how to say his words properly. “Where are you, Theggy?” 

Steggy wasn’t where he normally was, and as Danny frantically searched for him, his breath began to get shorter, and his eyes started getting misty, his lip curling up as he started to panic, worried that Steggy had gotten lost or wandered off somewhere, and wouldn’t come home to him ever again. 

Just as he was about to lose hope, he found Steggy hiding under some of Awin’s clothes. Sniffling, Danny hugged Steggy to his chest. As he closed his eyes, some tears trailed down his cheeks, and he nearly started to sob in relief. Steggy was warm and soft and familiar, and he smelled like Thoozy’s shampoo. He was almost as big as Danny’s entire arm, and he was green and brown and had friendly eyes and twenty-two plates on his back, and three little spikes on his tail. He used to have four, but he lost one in an epic fight with a tyrannosaurus rex in the washing machine.

With Steggy found, Danny could think about food. His tummy rumbled, and he placed his hand on his belly, rubbing it through the soft fabric of his light blue tee shirt. (The blue matched! It had to always match.) 

Gripping onto one of Steggy’s big legs, Danny toddled into the hallway, his thumb in his mouth. Sometimes, Awin didn’t like him sucking on his thumb, cause he was ‘apposed to be a big boy, but Awin wasn’t here to tell him not to right now. 

The hallway was kinda dark, and Danny tread carefully, walking a little bit faster past the dark bathroom, hitting the light switch. As the soft yellow light bathed the familiar hallway, Danny breathed a sigh of relief. Good. No monsters here.

Satisfied, he walked on to the bright kitchen. The kitties weren’t around right now, and Danny kinda missed them. But sometimes, they scratched him. He knew it wasn’t their fault, that he had tried to rub their belly like he would a doggy, but that didn’t mean that it didn’t hurt.

He took his thumb out of his mouth and wiped it on his shirt. Thoozy said that was gross, and that was what napkins were for, but Thoozy wasn’t here to tell him not to do it, so he was gonna do it, anyway. He placed Steggy on the counter and told him to stay, patted him on the head when he obediently stayed still, and went hunting for food. He wasn’t allowed to touch the stove, and he wasn’t allowed to have big people plates or play with knives and forks. He wanted a grilled cheese more than anything, and his tummy agreed. Awin made it nice and chewy—goey in the center, warm and stringy like a jumprope. 

But Awin and Thoozy weren’t here right now. He was alone. The thought filled him with a certain kind of dread. What if Awin and Thoozy never came home? What if they were gonna be gone forever? What if they brought home a new baby, and he had to leave? Danny couldn’t drive! Where would he sleep? The car was cold and hard and dark, and there were scary animals outside, and the monsters could easily eat him, cause Awin and Suzy weren’t cuddling him on either side.

Danny started to feel sad again, and as his chest squeezed, and picked up Steggy again and sank onto the floor, hiding his face in Steggy’s soft hide, trying to cry as quietly as he could. He didn’t wanna be eaten by monsters! He didn’t even taste good! He was all bony and stringy like string cheese.

As Danny began to calm down, he rested his chin on top of Steggy’s back. He could feel that his tummy was really empty, and it was making him feel worse. Danny put his thumb back in his mouth, sucking on it as he cooed to himself to calm down. He liked the sound of his own voice. Awin told him he was a good singer, and Thoozy would show him how to do Itsy Bitsy.

As he looked up, he saw a blue package hidden inside a white grocery bag. “Cookies!” He exclaimed, scrambling up off the floor and almost dropping Steggy in excitement. Cookies were good for his tummy, and they tasted really good, too!

Danny pulled out the package. It was a long box, with lots of little snack packs inside it. Danny tucked Steggy under his armpit and pulled and tugged on the plastic until it opened, eagerly taking out a package and opening it up. He pulled out a cookie and shoved it into his mouth, smiling as he chewed. That tasted so good and so sweet and yummy! He grabbed another one and ate this one a bit slowly, savoring the taste. He shifted so that Steggy would be more comfortable and then toddled to the couch, grabbing the remote. He was gonna watch some Paw Patrol and wait for Awin and Thoozy.

~

Danny heard the noise of a car pulling in the driveway, and his eyes fluttered open. He still felt heavy and sleepy, and Paw Patrol was over. It was just some commercial now. 

Danny took his thumb out of his mouth as he yawned and stretched. He could hear the sound of a car door slamming and distant voices. Awin and Thoozy were home!

Oh. Wait.

Awin and Thoozy were home.

Danny rocked back and forth, tugging on his hair as he tried to think. There was something he was ‘apposed to remember about Awin and Thoozy coming home. Something really important.

He froze.

Oh yeah. It had to do with being a good boy. Being a big boy, not a little boy.

Danny jumped as he heard a key in the lock. No, no, no, no, no, no, Awin and Thoozy were gonna be so mad that he was a little boy! They were gonna yell at him and make him sleep on the edge of the bed, closest to all the monsters!

Danny did the only thing he could think of. He went to hide. Where was the best place to hide?

He got up off the couch, with Steggy, and ran as fast as he cold back towards the bedroom. He jumped onto the bed and curled up, pulling the covers over his head. His heart was beating so fast in his chest, and he was still curled up around Steggy.

Oh no. Steggy. Steggy was not for big boys. Only for little boys. Steggy had to go.

“Thorry, Theggy,” Danny said softly, kissing Steggy on the nose before tossing him onto the chair on the other side of the bedroom. He heard Steggy make a thump on the chair and winced. Steggy wasn’t hidden, so he might still get yelled at for playing with Steggy, but it was too late to think about that now.

Danny’s heart beat very, very fast, as he listened.

He could hear Awin and Thoozy in the house. No, no, it was Arin. Arrrrrrrin. With an “r.” And Suzy. Sssssssssuzy. Like a snake. He had to speak like a big boy. That was very important.

Arrrrrin and Sssssssuzy were talking softly to each other and laughing. Danny couldn’t understand what they were saying. Wait. As a big boy, he was Dan. Dan, Dan, Dan. Remember. You’re Dan. Not Danny.

Dan… 

Danny.

Danny dug his nails into his wrist so hard that he had to bite his lip to keep from crying out. He had to be Dan. It was important for him to be a big boy.

He could hear Arrrrrin and Sssssuzy, could hear their voices change from gleeful to curious.

“Dan?” That was Arrrin. He was speaking just loud enough to be heard, using Danny’s big boy name.

Danny curled up under the covers, not answering. Maybe they’d think he was asleep. They’d just come to bed and ignore him and everything would be fine, and he’d be a big boy in the morning.

“Hey, Dan? Are you awake?” This was Sssssuzy now. She sounded…kind. And gentle. Danny cooed.

He wanted to call out, to respond to them so badly. He wanted Awin to pull him close to his big warm chest and play with his hair. He wanted to lay on Thoozy’s lap and feel her cool fingers run down his spine. He wanted to run out and hug them and tell them that he’d missed them all so much, and that he wanted to curl up and snuggle with them both…

But he couldn’t. Because he wasn’t big. And it was bad for him to be little right now.  
Tears began to well up in Danny’s eyes, and he curled up further and shoved his fingers in his mouth as he started to cry.

~

Arin had known something was up the minute he walked into the house. And he knew Suzy could see it, too.

First of all, the television was on a pretty high volume, and it was playing a repeat of Paw Patrol. There was a Chips Ahoy wrapper on the couch, with one cookie left inside, and no other food had been touched. There wasn’t a warm pot of soup on the stove, but one pantry door was left hanging open.

Danny’s dinosaur cup was in the sink, and there was water on the floor, presumably from Danny being a bit clumsy and spilling it. (He always filled it too full.)

Suzy looked at Arin, watching his brow furrow. “Okay, so I’m not the only one seeing this, then.”

“Nope.” Arin’s frown deepened.

“So he went little, then, you think? All on his own?” Suzy sounded sad and worried, and Arin lifted his arm, offering her his side. She latched on like a barnacle.

“I mean, it looks like it.” Arin sighed. “Dan’s a klutz, but he’s a neat and responsible klutz. And at his most forgetful, he never leaves the pantry open.”

“And his dinosaur cup is in the sink,” Suzy pointed out. Arin nodded. They had rules about Danny. He wasn’t allowed to touch the big people dishes. Not after he’d accidentally dropped one of Suzy’s favorite cups. 

(Dan had replaced it upon noticing, but still.)

“I’m worried.” Suzy looked up at Arin. “He’s overworking himself again, and that does tend to trigger it. And he hasn’t had proper food.” Danny was also not allowed to touch the stove. He tended to burn himself if he tried. 

Dan’s littlespace was around three or four, but he still had some Big knowledge. He was just really poor at execution.

Arin’s frown deepened, if that was even possible without his face falling off at this point. “I’m gonna go find him.” He kissed Suzy’s forehead. “You wanna make him a grilled cheese or something?”

Suzy nodded. “I’ll have to feed the cats, anyway.”

Arin smiled in thanks and padded down the hallway. “Dan? Is everything okay?” 

No answer. 

Arin turned off the hall light and went to walk past the bedroom…but something made him stop.

Little sniffling noises.

Arin’s heart broke. He never liked seeing Dan cry; it meant that something really awful had happened. And he hadn’t seen Dan cry since Princess Tinkles died. Danny was also a really sunny, well-behaved, happy-go-lucky kind of little. It hurt all of Arin, the part that was Danny’s caregiver and Dan’s lover and friend, to think that Dan was upset about something. “Danny?” He knocked on the door. 

There was a squeak from inside, and rustling, but no further response. Arin tried the door and, finding it unlocked (thankfully), he came in.

His best friend was a shaking lump underneath the sheets. Arin winced in sympathy and sat down. The lump scooted further away when his back brushed up against it. 

“Danny?” Arin tried soothingly. 

“Don’t yell at me,” came the muffled response.

Arin turned until he was facing the lump. “Why do you think I’m gonna yell at you, buddy?”

“Stop.” The response was short, and Dan finally rolled over, poking his head out from under the blanket. His hair was sticking up from the static, and there were tear stains all over his cheeks, flushed from the warmth, his face starting to get dewy. His eyes were fever-bright and slightly glazed, and Arin realized that Dan was on the cusp between headspaces, ready to go either way.

Silence. Arin could hear Suzy baby-talking the cats in the kitchen and smell the familiar scent of grilled cheese on the stove. He could tell Dan could smell it, too; the older man shifted slightly, frowning in discomfort. No wonder; Arin hadn’t seen Dan eat earlier today. The poor man must’ve been starving by now.

“I’m sorry,” Dan finally said, kicking the blankets off himself and curling up again, his long arms hugging his thin chest. 

“What for?” Arin asked sincerely, reaching out to squeeze Dan’s bicep reassuringly.

“I…I didn’t mean…” Dan tucked his chin into his chest, hiding his face in his curls. “I was gonna clean up before you got home…I think I must’ve fallen asleep. I guess I was tired.” He shrugged. “You…weren’t…” He cleared his throat, and Arin knew that Dan had almost said “apposed” like he often did while he was little.

“We weren’t supposed to know you were gonna be little?” Arin asked, just for clarification.

“Yeah,” Dan said after a moment.

Silence. One of the cats meowed loudly. Probably Mochi. Dan’s stomach growled pitifully, and Arin winced. He and Suzy had gone out to dinner on the way home, and the food felt like lead in his stomach, now that he knew that Dan had not only unintentionally fasted for hours, but that he had gone little without someone to care for him, having to subsist on a package of cookies that he didn’t even finish.

“Why?” Arin asked, sounding angry in his disbelief. 

It was Dan’s turn to wince. “I…cause it must be hard. There’s no way it’s not.” He uncurled slightly, just to keep himself from overheating. He was still half in that little kid space, feeling vulnerable like he was about to be scolded, and he grabbed the hem of his shirt, tugging at a loose string. “I mean, I might be potty trained, and smarter than an actual baby, but…I wouldn’t know if I was ever a brat, or fussy, or anything like that, cause you’re both too nice to tell me, and,” Dan swallowed, trying to keep from crying again. “And…you’re stressed and Suzy’s stressed…God, the last thing you need is a goddamn 38-year-old pretending to be a fucking three year old…”

“Hey, hey,” Arin leaned forward, tugging Dan into his arms as the older man’s breathing quickened and a tear escaped his eyes. “Dan, it’s okay. You don’t have to worry about that stuff.” He hugged Dan tightly as Dan sat in his lap, long legs hanging limply over the bed, long arms wrapped around his neck and holding tight. “Sure it’s not always relaxing having you be little, but it’s not something I hate. And Suzy loves it, too. You know if she could, she’d mother both of us into an early grave! She loves it!”

Dan relaxed his grip and settled on Arin’s shoulder to listen. “Really?” He asked, genuinely confused.

Arin rolled his eyes. “No, we basically coerced you into going little that first time because we’re masochists.” Dan snorted. “Seriously, dude. We love you. All of you. Big or small.”

Dan was about to say something, but he was interrupted by Suzy opening the door, the cats clamoring to get in around her feet. She just managed to close the door on them, much to their distaste, and came inside bearing a tall glass of water and a warm grilled cheese.

Dan sat up and away from Arin as the food was brought in, licking his lips as Suzy set the tray down on the nightstand. He jumped when Suzy pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead, and then pulled her down to press his lips against hers.

“I was just telling Dan,” Arin began, “that we love the fact that he’s little sometimes.”

“Oh, yes, we do,” Suzy said, sitting on the bed and taking Dan’s hand. “Frankly, you’re so cute when you go little. Your lisp comes back so strong sometimes, and you always ask a ton of questions about my bugs.” She squeezes his hand. 

Dan blushes. “I do?” He seemed a little far off and overwhelmed…but Arin can understand. He imagined that he was much the same way after coming in hungry after a long day to find that Suzy cooked him dinner.

“Yep!” Suzy beamed. “You’re the most precious little boy I’ve ever met. Honestly, I hope our real kids will be as polite and well-behaved as you are!”

Dan made a soft noise, and Arin smiled, nuzzling into his neck. “See, you idiot? I told you.”

Dan chuckled nervously, reaching out to tuck Suzy into his side. “Thanks, guys. I love you both so fucking much.” His stomach growled again, and he blushed bright red.

“Oh, fuck,” Suzy unfolded herself from his side and Arin let Dan sit up against the pillows on the bed. “You must be starving! Arin was telling me on the way home that you had all of three pretzels at the Grump session today.” She handed over the plate of food eagerly, pressing it into Dan’s hands.

Dan smiled in thanks and took a huge bite. “Yeah, fuck. I think I wouldn’t have gotten so hungry if I hadn’t been little. I think I actually cried a little cause my stomach hurt so bad.”

Arin snorted. “Honestly, if you didn’t go little every now and then, I’d be worried that you’d never get a decent meal.”

Dan chuckled. “I guess I do eat more when I’m little, huh?”

“No problems there,” Suzy giggled, snuggling into Dan’s side.

They let Dan eat for a while. Suzy sat beside him while she took off her makeup and Arin padded around, tidying up the bedroom, which looked a bit hectic from Danny’s frantic search for Steggy. Finally, Dan finished his food, and lay back with a sigh. 

“Thank you.”

“For what?” Suzy asked. Arin poked his head back into the room from the en suite bathroom.

“I just got really lucky.” Dan beamed wide at both of them. “You guys are so amazing, and I love you both so much.”

“Aww, we love you too, Danny,” Suzy beamed right back, leaning down to kiss Dan’s cheek.

“Yeah,” Arin said, spitting out his toothpaste. “And if you wanna go little tomorrow, I’d be totally cool with that.”

Dan raised an eyebrow. “Is that an invitation, Hanson?”

Arin shrugged. “Sure. I’m a little stressed out, too.”

Dan just held onto his stomach as he laughed.

He really had the best lovers in the world.


End file.
